Sorry for when I was a toxic friend…

Ever since I’ve started uni I feel like I’ve grown a lot as a person. I look back and I have a lot of regrets really about the things I’ve said and the way I’ve acted and I think that’s growth (to a certain extent, of course)

I think the thing is you can spend so much time trying to find something to blame that often you end up being the problem and that’s often something I’ve ignored for so long.

Firstly, people don’t know what’s going on in your life and you can’t expect them to. If you read my old mental health posts you’ll see a lot of anger directed towards people because I expected them to notice something that even I couldn’t notice. As important as it is to look after your friends, it’s also important to look after yourself and you can’t always expect people to notice when things aren’t going good, especially when you show no indication that there’s anything wrong.

Secondly, if there’s a problem SAY IT TO THEM! There’s no reason to keep it to yourself because at the end of the day you’re hurting everyone by not addressing a situation as soon as it comes about and it ends up spiralling into something bigger

At the end of the day, there’s going to be times when you are the toxic friend and it’s important to recognise that and to not act like a saint. Sometimes you might not even know you’re being toxic to someone and you might not even mean to hurt someone but you may still do it.

Finally, I want to apologise for when I’ve been a toxic person in someone’s life. All I can do is apologise and sometimes that’s not enough and that’s okay but it’s important to recognise when you’re wrong. There’s no need to bitterness and anger for things that are out of everyone’s control and I wish that was something I could’ve learned earlier.

– rachel

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